Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Chapter 5: That was then and this is now.

I don't understand how and why things must change so dramatically.

While I can be mildly satisfied about my little achievements in different aspects of Life here and there... I just feel upset at the end of the day, when I am alone.

What is it with Mark? Or rather, what is it with me?

I saw him two times today, and he took me as a transparent object on both encounters.

First time, after morning assembly, I headed to the toilet.

I turned into the corner of the corridor and almost knocked into someone. That someone turned out to be Mark's friend, and he was with Mark. Like wow, I saw him then.

This time, I'm so sure. I'm sure that he saw me, because it was just too close.

But still, he didn't say "yo" like how he used to.

I went to the toilet, and came out to fill my bottle up.

He was standing outside the back door of his classroom, speaking to two of his classmates. Once again, I'm quite sure that he couldn't have not seen me at that time. Still, I am a stranger in his eyes.

I bet that if it were Justin Yap, Xing Hao, Hui Xiong, or even Nicholas Tan, Mark would have definitely acknowledged their presence.

But me? Ha. What am I, after all?

I can only bring upon him, trouble after trouble, confusion after confusion, embarrassment after embarrassment.

I am nothing. I am worse than nothing.

Since I've convinced myself of this horrible truth, then why I still feel so depressed for the whole day?

Because things have changed... too quickly, too dramatically, and I have not embraced myself for it yet.

It was barely a month ago when it was the concert.

Why must he do those things on the concert day? Why must he be so nice to me on those little moments... when he's going to turn out treating me as a stranger in the end?

I can't say anything anymore... I don't know what to say anymore... I just feel... lost and empty...

"I don't ask for you to forgive me
But if you're fighting alone now
That is a definite sign to me."
criminal - ayumi hamasaki

Obviously, he's not fighting alone now. He has so many friends that a useless... oh wait, I was never his friend actually, maybe I was just a tool... ....
...

Sigh.


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